Monday, May 5, 2008

No Surprise Here: NIN Still Sucks


The following link has a story about the new Nine Inch Nails album. If you want to spare yourself the agony of reading yet another Pitchfork article pumping up a major musical has-been, I’ll recap for you.

The title of the article says “Yet Another Surprise New Nine Inch Nails Album” and it goes on to talk about how Trent Reznor is giving it away for free. I don’t know why this is surprising. After Radiohead forged a bold new path by virtually giving away their last crap fest for free, it’s not surprising at all that Trent Reznor would knock over his own mother jumping on this bandwagon.

This is, after all, the same guy who became immensely popular by ripping off an already existing musical style being used by Ministry and repackaging it for dumb teenagers all across America. So it should come as no surprise that this hack would immediately adopt the flavor of the month as far as album distribution. But just like his music, bland honkies in the farthest reaches of our country will find this gimmick to be unique, original and trail blazing. Reznor will once again look like a hero by recycling other people’s ideas and making them Hot Topic Ready.

Reznor offers the free album “as a thank you to our fans for your continued support.” Yeah, he definitely owes the dolts who have kept him employed for the last 18 years because without those dim bulbs he’d be selling keyboards at a Guitar Center by now.

The best part of this is that Radiohead came out and said they didn’t know if their “pay as much as you like” gambit was even worth it; thus casting doubt on the whole scheme. I’m sure Reznor just about choked on his ball gag when he heard this, having already announced his plans to give away the album. If Radiohead included a free sample of Anthrax (the biological weapon not the band) in every CD or download, Trent Reznor and every other reactionary musician with no original ideas would start asking around about a how to get some for themselves. Maybe they should put some Anthrax the band in there just make it bearable.

In short, NIN has been making music for brainless teenagers for quite awhile now. Sad, lonely teenagers who are incapable of finding better, angst filled music for themselves. Fans of this band would be wearing Insane Clown Posse makeup if they hadn’t heard NIN first. This is just another marketing trick in a long line of tricks used by this snake oil salesman in black to convince dumb people that NIN is talented, viable and deserves your attention.

I’m all for free music, but if I took a shit in my hand and held out telling you it was free, would you take my hand?

JR

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